i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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