she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
