no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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