we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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