you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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