the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
