I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
