It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
BRING THE BAGELS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
