new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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