Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
