Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
