I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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