I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
