Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if only i could text you this smell
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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