He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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