Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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