can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
