you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
