So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
