Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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