I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
