Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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