I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
