i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
