im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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