Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
