Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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