I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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