I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
