Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
