So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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