I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
