just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
