i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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