Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
