If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
