i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
