Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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