Plan B is the new Plan A
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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