I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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