he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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