My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
