you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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