He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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