i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
