I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Found your dick twin last night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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