I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
