I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
