Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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