while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
