I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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