....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
