I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
