Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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