Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
