she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
