i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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