remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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