All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No subtext here. People are naked.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
