Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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