The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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