he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
